You Cold Cold Bastard
by bommimg
Summary: Killing and death. Fighting and death. Honor and death. Will and death. Ignorance and death. Stupidity and death. Hatred and death. Hazing and death. Flippancy and death. Us and death. And you turn a blind eye to it all, don't you, You Cold Cold Bastard.
1. Minato

You Cold Cold Bastard

Minato sighed as he dragged his (drunk) sensei away from the brothel. It had been a difficult mission that they had finished. Two days ago. But Jiraiya had decided to stay at the brothels, not caring that the village needed as much manpower as possible. Jiraiya had, of course said for Minato to 'loosen up,' and 'go get a girl,' ignoring the fact that Minato had no desire for sex. Minato didn't understand why his sensei was constantly trying to make him lose his virginity, but he also didn't care much. Lord Hokage himself had told Minato to make sure Jiraiya was back ASAP, however and that was much more important than whatever Jiraiya wanted. The pervert just didn't have very important concerns.

"Minato, wilsh you fyind a gi-reel." Minato finally decided enough was enough, and that he would bring Jiraiya back with or without the sage's consent. Trying to find someway to lower the man to unconsciousness, he scrambled his brain trying to find an answer.

After a while, Minato thought of only two things. He could try to get the man more drunk; or, he could knock him out physically.

"Haha, you look so preeety Minato-kun. A real preeety boy. Hehehehe." Minato gave a sigh, bringing his hand to his face in exasperation. Looking at his sensei, Minato decided he didn't need to get Jiraiya anymore drunk, as the sannin could barely walk straight. Sighing again, the blond quickly slung the perverted spy over his back, and started to jump on the tops of the buildings.

"Minatoooo. How can yoush trent me like thiss." Minato ignored the whining, and continued at a leisurely pace, determined to get both as close to Konoha and as far away from all other cities as possible to keep Jiraiya from being tempted. Jiraiya, however, kept whining and trying to get away, so Minato came up with a suitable lie.

"We're going to see the most beautiful woman in the _world_ sensei."

Jiraiya's eyes bugged out in child-like glee. "Reeealy, Minato. The most beautiful." At a nod, Jiraiya gave another giggle. "Can I _feeeel_ her, Minato."

Minato didn't hide the disgust in his voice when he said, "Sure sensei." Then got a bright idea in his head. "But only if you go to sleep. Then, when you wake up, you can see her.

Another giggle. "Feel her, Minato. Feel her." Another giggle. But the sage quickly fell to dead weight as he gave up all resistance. Biggest obstacle, overcome.

_"Ker-crunch."_ Minato agilely threw himself to the side, escaping the half collapsed roof. Apparently he was extremely heavy with the frog sage as added weight. The non reinforced roofs in a civilian town didn't help. Minato gave a grimace at the destruction, and quickly decided to move on so people couldn't find out the fact that he had ruined a roof.

Minato though about walking on the streets, but a sixteen year old carrying a twenty-eight year old was far-fetched for anyone not a ninja, and he didn't want any attention. So he continued hopping along the non-reinforced roofs of the houses, taking small, quick steps that didn't have too much pressure in them.

They were out of the village in no time, Minato flitting on the tops of trees, with the approaching three digits in kilos weight on his back. He had a few more close calls with some weak tree branches that hated being used, but was quick enough to escape them.

0o0o0o0o

"You _**stupid brat!**_" Minato hung back with angry eyes and a bowed head as his sensei ripped him a new one. "_**I was meeting with one of my spies! Do you know how hard it is to find time to meet with them. If they go sneaking off often, then people will notice, and then they're as good as dead."**_

"I am sorry." The teen replied. "But I was merely following the Sandiame's request that you return to Konoha without any wasted time," _or people._ The teen said, thinking the last part in his mind. Minato, however, may have a quick retort for everything, but that didn't mean Jiraiya was going to accept the remarks. Nor was Minato okay with what he did. He should have _known _that there was something going on.

_"__**I don't give a damn what the Sandiame told you. You're my student. And you better start acting like it. Listen to me you damn brat."**_ Minato body was feeling hot all over, scared at what his sensei might do.

"Do you know what we're going to do Minato." Minato knew that by now he wasn't gonna like whatever 'it' was. "We are going to hightail out asses back to Shoni, and hope to_** god**_, or, at least _you_ better hope to god, that my contact is still there. Becuase if he isn't, you have single-handedly caused maybe ten deaths. Twenty. Maybe one of your old teammates. Maybe _mine. _And who knows. This might cause the _**whole damn village to die too.**_"

Minato took his fate trembling. He hadn't known that he had screwed up this badly, and was wishing with all his might that they wouldn't miss the spy. _I also can't afford sensei to be mad at me. I need more training._ Minato also wanted to lash out at his sensei, seeing as he knew _nothing _about these meetings. A little heads-up would have been nice at least. _Hey Minato, I'm just going to a meeting at a brothel for something. Follow, and I'll skin your hide and never train you again. _Minato snorted_ How hard could that possibly be._

"I'd leave you here, but Hokage-sama would have my head if I left a young _defenseless_ jounin with obvious mental impairments out here alone. So follow me, and don't make a fucking sound." Jiraiya grabbed his bag, which his student copied with his, but besides that didn't pick anything else up before hopping into the trees.

Minato followed in silence. He didn't want to anger his sensei.

0o0o0o0o0o

"_**Damn it." **_Minato repeated in his mind what his sensei had said out loud. The quiet teen closed his eyes in consternation and in the fear Jiraiya was looking at him.

Jiraiya was looking at him, not that the kid, _punk,_ knew with his eyes closed. Jiraiya felt tempted to make a biting mark about Minato and his lack of brains, but decided that he wasn't worth the effort.

Jiraiya growled at how things had worked out. He took a final look at the temporarily blind blond before turning around and saying, "Punishment. Go back to the camp site. Get everything you can from there, and then come back here. I'll be at the same hotel we were before." He gave a snort. "Eventually." Then jumped off.

0o0o0o0o0o

Minato looked at the camp site. Not much was left. The fire itself was out and seemed to have been pissed on, as had a lot of other places. The food, nasty as rations were, was gone. Not much else had been left behind that was important, though everything that had been was gone. Minato cursed at the thieves, knowing that that they were probably ninjas, probably from Konoha, and probably knew it was other leaf-nins they were robbing, as few other nins traveled this country.

The biggest problems were the jackets, as nights got chilly. Luckily they were staying in a village. Unluckily, it was already close to dark. Minato cursed, but started to head back to the village already. Nothing was salvageable, and he wanted be back by nightfall.

0o0o0o0o0o

Jiraiya was in a _bad _mood. The stupid kid had ruined a wonderful chance to keep tabs on Suna, what with the stirs of their missing Kazekage. But the brat had ruined his chance to learn info about the situation, which was going to get him _those_ looks. The looks from Sarutobi-sensei that he was unfit. The sneers from Orochimaru. The eye rolls from Tsunade. Oh how he hated those three people. One day he would show them. But right now was a time to get drunk and lament over the pathetic apprentice he had.

It was a hard night to be the only frog sage in the world right now.

0o0o0o0o0o

Minato had no desire to return to the nice hotel that Jiraiya had rented. _He _wanted to get drunk, which was rare, but also ignored. The mess-up with the spy had come at a bad time, with Jiraiya being all pissy with Orochimaru right now. Some stupid fight that they would resolve in a month or two and then be the best of friends again. He found the fights to be incredibly stupid, and even more so now, incredibly inconvenient.

But Minato was currently walking down the streets of Shoni, in the dead of night. He looked at the entire village, seeing that it was mostly deserted, with little light or people on the streets. Except for the red light district. Weighing the pros and cons in his head, he wondered if he needed to go there.

He thought about the small amount of money he would have soon once Jiraiya stole some for retribution. Then again, he would have less to steal. The blond was far too tense and stressed, something that Minato never liked being. He also though about diseases. He gave a second of thought to pregnancy, but knew he'd be out of the village long before anyone would ever know about _that. _Deciding that he needed it, he hopped to the ground and started walking to the only lit district in town.

0o0o0o0o0o

Some girls were in nice houses, run my rich mistresses. Others were run by pimps or mistresses, in houses that were normal and mostly bland, where each girl had a room. Then there were the other girls. The ones on the street. They would go into back alleyways with their _customers, _putting down a blanket to protect their bodies from the ground. There were other kinds of hors too. Everything in between what was stated above. Some higher, like the prostitutes for the nobles and the daimyo, so high up mainly because they were for only a few, and sometimes only one customer.

Minato had chosen a street whore to take. He had applied a henge first, not _ever _wanting to be recognized as someone asking for these services. He did however keep the whore from going far back into the alley. The girl was hesitant, but he showed her the money, and then told her in no uncertain terms that he wanted it near the mouth of the back street. He got some feeling of power by having others close by, _possibly _watching this. Minato smiled. He noticed some drunks or lowlifes or whatever watching him and her. However he turned his head away in disgust when one started masturbating to them.

Minato quickly walked away once he was done. He didn't want to pay, but quickly disappearing like ninja would put the rumor out that there was a ninja. Any ninja that was here would be under suspicion then, and they were probably the only ninjas that were in the village. Angering Jiraiya anymore was a horrible idea.

The blond dropped the money behind him and walked off, letting the whore pick up the coins behind him. He quickly lost himself in the crowd. He spent a few more hours walking around, mostly in the dark parts of the rest of Shoni, rather than the red light district, but eventually he returned to the hotel.

Of course, the fact that he was jiggling the handle rather than walking in was because the door was locked. Putting his hand to his hand to his head in utter _frustration, _he kicked the floor, making sure not to break or scratch the wood. He turned to the window, but found that a seal was locking it.

_Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. _Minato pulled his hair taunt._ You stupid _bastard. _I should break the door down just to make you pay for doing this on purpose, _as there was no way this was an accident.

Minato then entertained many ideas for a while. He thought about just kicking the door down. He thought about breaking the window glass. He thought about banging on the door until Jiraiya answered. But the ones that would cause property damage he threw out because he would end up beaten on by Jiraiya for both causing the pervert to get yelled at and making him pay (as Minato definitely didn't have enough money). The other would just plain piss off the sage.

Finally after many shivers of pleasure at dreams where he could kick the jackass's ass, he walked downstairs, nicked a key, and walked to the door.

It opened. _Ha. Didn't think about that did you. _Or he did but decided to give Minato a break. Or he was to lazy to go down to get the keys. Minato would never really know. Or care.

Minato walked into the room, quietly going to the bed room. He picked the bed his sensei wasn't sleeping in, and fell under the covers. He glared at the blob of darkness that was his sensei for a minute or two, thinking about how unfair it was that he got _this _sensei. How he wanted someone with more self control, someone that wasn't so unsupportive. The man would pretty much tell him what to do and then leave him. Every time he had a question he had to drag the man away from whatever he was doing. Not to mention he was a jackass.

Sometimes Minato just wanted to smother him with a pillow, _like now. _But he resisted the urge, knowing that the man could and would literally kill him before he got anywhere close to death. But the man was a student of the Hokage, lords know how, and was a great way to learn big and powerful techniques, even if he learned them slowly. So Minato bared it, closing his eyes and resisting the urge to kill the teme. Besides, everyone else considered Jiraiya more important than Minato. He could hardly kill the man without being attacked by Konoha, and he liked his home.

_ Somewhat at least._ And with that, Minato turned over and slept.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

A/N Here is my new story. Don't know if anyone will like it, but I thought about the relationship that Naruto had with Jiraiya. Then I was thinking about how Namikaze Minato was described as more serious. So that got me thinking about, what if the relationship between Jiraiya and Minato was less than stellar. Anyway, I'll update this in a week or two. Review please. They make me enjoy my writing more.


	2. The Team

You Cold Cold Bastard

"Sleech."

"Ahhh, what, what?" Minato was coughing trying to get the water out of his mouth. His sensei had poured a bucket full of water on his blond head.

"Get up. We leave in one minute." Minato's eyes widened, knowing it was no joke. He scrambled out of the bed to his clothes, putting them on and not caring that the sage was in the room. He just couldn't bother with things like common decency between them anymore.

It took only twenty-five seconds to get his clothes off and on, after which he ran to his bag, stuffed his night clothes in there, and then slung it over his shoulder. He grabbed the few weapons he had hidden in random spots in the room, just in case, and then ran to the window, behind his sensei.

The toad sage nodded, before throwing his bag at his student. Minato grabbed it out of the air before looking at the bag with a slightly lowered head and an exasperated mind. He didn't really want to take the bag and carry it all the way to Konoha, but his stunt the day before hardly gave him leverage. Resigning himself, he slung it over his other shoulder and followed the bag's owner out the window. They were out the village in a minute, and onto the day's journey to Konoha.

The two didn't talk, both because of the tension and the wind made it hard for their voices to keep up. The tree limbs bended under them, shaking back up when they came off. Minato felt distinctly uncomfortable with Jiraiya, having an unsettled stomach over what he was thinking about Minato. But the thoughts in Jiraiya's mind were hard to define for Minato. That, or he was just subconsciously stopping himself from thinking about the frog summoner's thoughts.

For Minato, it was an aggravating run home.

0o0o0o0o

They had already turned in their mission report. Or rather, Minato had turned in his mission report. Jiraiya probably was ranting about how he had messed up the true mission and why the Sandaime made Jiraiya take on an apprentice.

_I hate how he is always annoyed by me. Can't he just deal. It's hardly like I'm having the greatest time with him either. _Minato raved and rolled his eyes to the sky. _Why couldn't I have a sane sensei, like Orochimaru. He's a genius, and... _But Minato thought about how he really didn't know _anything _about Orochimaru, so he took back what he thought just in case. _Not like its worth thinking about. Things won't change like that._

0o0o0o0o

"Sensei, the brat defied me. I can't have a student that takes me away from my most important work. My spy network is meticulously upholded and handled. Even one missed meeting delays and destroys information that would have a much greater impact when or if we receive it on time."

The middle-aged man sitting in front of the jounin slowly puffed on his pipe, not reacting to his angry student in front of him. The two looked at each other in silence for a minute before,

"I don't care." The Hokage puffed on his pipe nonchalantly. He had his eyes fixed calmly ahead at his former student, with an impassive face and solid eyes.

"He keeps screwing up my missions! Who can run my spy network besides me?" Jiraiya looked at his sensei stubbornly with his words. He hated that calm face.

Hiruzen looked slightly amused at the question. "Hopefully, in time, Minato." He then went back to his impassive face.

Under his breathe, though loud enough for the other man to hear, Jiraiya swore, "That kid couldn't spy on a rock."

Looking slightly amused again, probably at the lame comeback, Hiruzen told Jiraiya, "I know you've been both sabotaging and libeling him. And don't come back to complain anymore. I have enough on my plate as it is." His face suddenly came down with eyebrows pushed together, a frown on his face, and slightly squinted eyes.

Jiraiya glared at the old man in outrage. "You're dismissed." And the Hokage looked away from Jiraiya and focused his attention on paperwork.

As much as he didn't like it, Jiraiya knew not to mess with the Hokage, and so left, still seething.

He wandered into a bar.

0o0o0o0o0o

Minato sighed into his cup, looking at the hard brown liquid. He was alone in his apartment, wishing that he was out on another mission. He barely did anything anymore in the village, as he had few friends and less interests. The teen sighed into his cup again, not sure exactly what to do.

He looked outside, the window giving the perfect frame for paradise. Big buildings, good roads, high trade, blue skies, clean air; Konaha was the perfect place in many respects, but Minato just couldn't find anything special about it. The city was just... boring. He couldn't find anything to do besides train and go out of the village for missions. Minato kept nursing his coffee before looking down at its depths and realizing something. He had absolutely nothing to do. Why was he drinking something that would keep him up? Pouring the drink down the drain, he felt like, like, like going out and having sex.

Deciding that he was incredibly bored and wasn't waiting on anything or one. He thought about it. There were no prostitutes in Konoha. So he had nothing. Minato groaned. _Great, a whole day to do nothing in. _He lowered his head down to the table and just sat there for a few minutes before,

"ARGGG, I'M GOING INSANE!" Minato grabbed some money and decided that he would go buy another coat to replace his stolen one.

The markets were nice and glamorous, loaded with people and money. Minato went to his regular shop, opening the door nice and wide. The store was average shinobi wear. He picked out the same style coat he had before, in the same color, black. He bought them and then walked out the door.

_Well that killed about three minutes. What to do next. _Minato then thought of two things. Either he would train, or just fall asleep under the sun. Either could be done at a training ground. Smiling slightly, he walked up one building and then launched himself onto the rooftop.

The journey was quick, just a few minutes. When he got there however, he groaned. _Someone_ was already there. Looking at them, he saw a genin team all fighting each other. They looked like idiot children, nine year old boys and a girl. Tearing at each other with kunai.

Minato snorted. _How pathetic._

Minato was about to leave before the jounin-sensei noticed him. Waving, he called, "Hey. What are you doing." Jogging, as it was impolite to rush to someone, the other jounin cracked a smile at him. "Looking at my team. Nice right."

Minato cocked his head somewhat to the side. The jounin laughed. "Alright, alright, they're bad, but I'm teaching them how to fight in a three way fight. They're pretty good one on one, but one on one on one is another matter, right." The other jounin had adopted a more serious look.

He changed the subject. "Sooo, you a jounin?" The other guy lifted an eyebrow in question.

"Yeah." Minato said short and sweet.

"Do you have a genin team?"

"No." The other jounin looked mildly uncomfortable, realizing Minato had only replied with one syllable words or gestures and probably didn't want to talk to him.

"Ahh." The other jounin looked back at his students. "Well, you might want to get one." Minato almost snorted at how inarticulate this guy was.

"Maybe." The other jounin nodded before saying, "Nice talking." and leaving.

Minato left too. He wasn't sure where he was going now.

He ended up in front of the Hokage's tower.

0o0o0o0o0o

The day was quiet, at least for him. The library was sparsely populated, but easily one of the nicest places to relax. Orochimaru was huddled here, examining a book and judging if it was worth reading. It was titled _Ways to Extreme Chakra Control. _It wasn't from this library, actually. Tsunade had given it to him from the med-nin library, as he had already superb chakra control and now wanted 'extreme' control. Or Tsunade had better control than he and he wanted to be better than her, or at least as close as possible. Either way, he was reading the book.

Of course, that didn't mean he had to like the book. Many times it said for him to go back and master _every single type_ of lower level chakra control before going on to the higher exercises. Something about how each exercise made his chakra form in different ways and that it would make him master moving his chakra in every way.

Orochimaru obviously thought it was crap.

He wouldn't return it though. Tsunade knew he never returned books that were... _rare._ And a book from the med-nin library (and almost certainly a high level one) would stay with Orochimaru forever. Tsunade knew that.

She had probably given him a poorly made copy that would disintegrate after a few months.

He left the library then, making his way home. He smiled charmingly at some people on the streets, and they smiled back. He _was _the Sandaime's favorite student.

That didn't mean he had a big house, however. In fact, while incredible well kept and beautiful, it was incredibly small. Two rooms, one having only a lamb and a futon, and the other divided between a kitchen and dining room. He didn't really have a den.

He had an incredible complex seal (at least for Orochimaru himself) that hid a scroll. That scroll held a few more scrolls, neatly organized into different things. One was sealing itself. Another was Chakra control. Putting the small book onto the seal of the scroll for chakra control, in a puff of smoke, the scroll was safely in that scroll. He sealed all the scrolls up, put them behind the seal, and then left his apartment.

Orochimaru thought about what to do next. He didn't have anything scheduled, and he didn't want to train.

He felt like going to a bar, but that just seemed so... pathetic going alone. He felt incredibly lonely. He winced at the thought, but he wanted Jiraiya back.

_Good kami, I'm pathetic. _Orochimaru sighed, but went to find his best friend. Maybe Sarutobi would know where he is.

0o0o0o0o0o

Witty banter aside, Hiruzen was annoyed. His student had come to complain again about the kid he had stuck him with. Hiruzen would be the first to admit that he had underestimated Jiraiya in the past. The loudmouth had become a much better ninja than most, and would undoubtably be in the top ten ninja in the village.

That meant that it would be a wonderful idea for Jiraiya to have an apprentice. To pass on his knowledge. He had given all of the graduates from the academy, and Jiraiya had chosen Minato and two other kids. But even though Jiraiya had basically chosen Minato himself, he often complained about the blond. Hiruzen didn't understand it, but he wasn't going to allow Jiraiya to get out of it. He had already taught Minato too many techniques, including the frog summons, to go back now.

It wasn't _that _bad... normally. But Jiraiya and Orochimaru had a giant fight before the mission, and the frog sannin was taking it out on Minato. This probably didn't endear Jiraiya to Minato, but Hiruzen could do little at the moment.

"Well speak of the devil. Look who's shown up." The Hokage grinned. "Wonderful to see you Orochimaru." The snake sannin nodded and smiled at his teacher. He opened his mouth but quickly shut it when he was given a harsh look.

"Now, go find Jiraiya, and be friends again." Orochimaru nodded dumbly. He opened his mouth again to ask.

"I was on my way to do that," _sure you were, "_however, I don't know where he is." He lifted his eyebrows in question.

"He left only a few minutes ago, complaining about his apprentice. You know his usual places. Go find him there." Orochimaru looked somewhat uncomfortable with the assumption, but obediently left via window.

0o0o0o0o0o

Now Orochimaru knew exactly where Jiraiya would be. That place being any place he had never visited before. The frog sannin was deeply respected by strangers, and hated by the people he regularly dealt with. It was all Jiraiya's fault. He would have sex with some girl and half the time she would end up as a friend or family member of the owner. So if she wasn't then he was on to the next girl, who was probably related to the owner, and if she wasn't, Jiraiya would move on, and

Well, it just goes on and on.

Now, don't be mistaken. He didn't leave girls because they _weren't _related to the owner. He just didn't sleep twice. No matter what. Unless he had forgotten he had slept with her, and then it was just normal. Normally that happened when she was a fanatic who tried to have sex with him again and again.

Normally to have his children.

Stupid woman.

So Orochimaru was stuck as to what to do to find the promiscuous bastard. Luckily, Jiraiya loved the attention of people. People hated promiscuous bastards. So Jiraiya kept the sex to a private place for his image. This normally happened to be a hotel or inn, to impress the girl, and to not let someone get his personal stuff.

Not after 'that' incident.

As it just so happened, he went to the same three inns time after time.

The problem was, Jiraiya, according to Sarutobi, left only a few minutes ago.

That left Orochimaru a good two to three hours before he could find Jiraiya reasonably quickly.

Orochimaru sighed, cursed his friends sexual appetite, and went off to find a girl for himself.

0o0o0o0o0o

"Well aren't you pretty." The girl being addressed blushed. Jiraiya smirked. _Just pick out the quiet ones, and they fall into your hand like butter. _He wouldn't remember her face the next week, but it hardly mattered.

The quiet girl stuttered, "Jiraiya of the Sannin?"

Jiraiya smirked again. "Yep, thats me." He then went on to tell her a slightly dramatized version of how he got that name.

With a smile, he coldly looked at her movements. Not that drunk. Too withdrawn. He smiled wider, making her feel special. He ordered her another drink, along with himself of course.

"And then Hanzo acknowledged us, saying 'I cannot defeat you three here. But we will fight another day. Standing up to me is no mere feat though. For doing so, I shall give you a name. You will be called the Three Legendary Ninja, the Densetsu no Sannin. We shall end this battle at a later time, Orochimaru, Tsunade...' and he turned his head to look at me, 'Jiraiya.' And then he left, never to fight us again." Jiraiya smiled, and the girl to his right erupted in giggles hidden by her hand.

Some of the drinkers at the tables behind them gave them a nasty look, which was all a part of Jiraiya's strategy. He looked back at them glaring, purposefully noticeable to the girl. When she looked back to his line of sight, she slightly cowered. She wasn't very brave, and a bunch of drunks and smokers with hard looks in there eyes glaring at her was fightening.

Jiraiya took it in stride.

"You wanna leave." He gave her a humble look, as if giving her a way out.

She swallowed. "Yes yes." A pause. "Thank you."

Giving a big fake grin, he nodded, "No prob." They both got up to leave. While moving, he asked her, "Whats your name by the way." He asked her then so she didn't have time to think about it, trying to navigate around the people as she was.

Turning her head back for a second, she ran into a scary looking man. When she swung her head to see him, she froze in fear of the scarred man with a hard face. Jiraiya took his arm and put it around her shoulders, stating to the obviously non-ninja that she was _his_. For now.

Jiraiya whispered a sorry, and then lead her away, making sure to go straight out. She seemed eternally grateful for him doing so, and that was his entire point.

They walked for a little while without speech once they were on the streets.

Then she said, "My name is Kinuo Hania." She seemed terribly embarrassed. "And thank you for getting me out of there."

Jiraiya nodded. "You shouldn't let your friends leave you like that." _People like me will pick you up. _

She nodded dumbly. "I know."

They walked a little while more before he started to regal her with another story of his exploits in the second war. She smiled and laughed, never realizing that they were headed to one of the three inns.

In a roundabout sort of way anyways.

0o0o0o0o0o

A/N Well, what a fun chapter that was. I should have another chapter up in a week or two. Not two long as it seems my mind has decided to stick with this story for now. Hope everyone likes it. Leave many reviews.


	3. Starting Mission

You Cold Cold Bastard

"Wake up you horny bastard." Orochimaru kicked his highly respected peer out of his bed. Literally. Jiraiya grunted, but was awake after the kick. He eyes flickered a little bit in sleep once he saw it was his former teammate, though Orochimaru wasn't amused by that fact.

"Get up lazy-ass. I'm bored." Jiraiya gave a sarcastic smiled at that.

"Ohh, is Roach-y bored. Let me cater to your every whim, and give you happiness."

Orochimaru gave a deep breath at that. The fact that Jiraiya and him were fighting had been at that back of his mind since he had woken up a few hours ago. The snake sannin molded his face into distaste for the situation... and then threw it to his best friend.

"I know your bored too. Honestly, two girls in one night. Your just shitting out ways to entertain yourself with normal things now aren't you." The Sannin deftly moved his head to face the sleeping women in a way that made it seem like he was looking at both.

Ignoring his friend's mumblings of 'You didn't even get separate rooms for them' Jiraiya remarked, "But I was bored." He cracked his knuckles, but then flinched in realization of what he had said.

Deciding that he should continue talking to smother Orochimaru's words, he gave a simple, "Besides, I think it takes skill to take a woman so well she doesn't know that there is another girl next to her." He gave a sly grin at that.

Twitching in anger and lowering his eyelids in frustration, Orochimaru counted to a nice big number to reign in his contempt.

Like three.

"Well, it's not like they have feelings or anything." came with a cock of the snake's head.

And Jiraiya's snort delivered a "Well, I hardly thing you care. These poor, innocent, women will have to be traumatized, lest I lose the endless ways to entertain myself."

Orochimaru raised an eyebrow. "And by endless ways, you mean only sex. And you only entertain yourself when your away from women."

Scowling while catching on to his friends deft comment, he rolled out of bed, causing his friend to avert his eyes in disgust, and got dressed with numerous amounts of witty banter between the two.

And by witty banter, he meant 'fling Orochimaru at the two females waking up and hope they were to drunk to remember faces.

0o0o0o0o0o

Minato was getting quite hammered at a nice little bar, with naki and sushi as food. Because, for Minato, sake was better with little pieces of raw dough and fish. He would kill some time that he wouldn't spend doing anything productive, so drinking sounded good.

It was six in the morning.

No one decided to follow him in, though a few hard core drunks left after him. The bartender was getting rather angry, as a new body to service...

"Oye, that was the last of them, now you get your ass out of here before I get the police. The tight-fucks always love getting in fights with you other ninjas." The bartender gave a leer at Minato, daring him to make an unwelcome move.

Minato scowled at his threat, but obediently beat a hasty retreat, knocking over his chair as he left in retribution.

Minato raised his hands to his face, not wanting to be thought a drunk. He wiped away the little liquid and food that remained around his mouth, and then the food from his shirt. He pressed his fingers into his eyes to make him more lucid. Hair was whipped around by a hand trying to make it look like he tried to comb it. Clothes fell back into a less messy fashion. This was all fortunate, because it only looked like he was getting comfortable just in time for...

"Minato! How are you." A wide smile with a slightly scratchy voice greeted him.

Minato took note of the fact that it was another freaking brunette that was addressing him. But it wasn't so bad.

"Kimichi, nice to see you again after, like three months, right?" He gave a slightly sorry smile, but Kimichi,

"Oh, I don't care at all. Its just good to finally see you again."

Minato nodded to agree. "Yes, how has your desk post been treating you. It isn't too boring I hope."

"Of course it is, but thats hardly surprising now is it. We both knew that when I took that job I would hate it."

Yes, if we knew anything, it was that she would hate that job. "Well, allow me to help you. I am incredibly bored, and wish to find an interesting mission. Any help would be greatly appreciated."

She gave a laugh of glee and a shrewd smile. "Yes, yes, I would love to help you. I can hardly keep up with the mind numbing monotony up there, but I will keep a mission in reserve for you. Just come around soon to pick it up. The good ones need to be picked up fast." She looked up to the sky, her pupils in the corner of her eyes, showing her thinking. "You want to go out and do something. I got nothing to do till twelve."

Minato shrugged and agreed. He smiled and she turned.

"What do you want to eat?" Kimichi asked, thinking of dango or soups. But Minato had a different idea.

"How about toast." She swirled her eyes to meet his.

"Toast!? Why would I eat toast at a restaurant? I eat toast at home."

"Because it's really good toast." He declared, laughing mentally and a knowing look.

She laughed. "No." She said, stressing that one word.

"But come on," He reasoned, "It's really good toast." He told her, ready for acceptance and a great meal.

She leveled him a harshly curious eye. "Lets get some soup." She turned down a street, moving into a nice stall.

Minato gave a disagreeing sound, narrowed his eyes. I mean, she could fucking trust me. He followed her into the stall, and ordered some regular udon with broth. His mood took a huge beating cause of that incident.

But Kimichi didn't seem to think he was serious about what he said, and continued talking aimlessly. "How have your days been going? You find a girl."

"No." He was bitter about the blow off.

"Oh brooding Minato. Always getting so upset over the simplest things." She seemed almost... joyful over his frustration. Minato let some air out, calming down, not letting her get to him.

"Minato take a seat. Have some udon," She said, gesturing to the food that had just come out. "Stop being so serious, get that stick out of your ass, thank the chef, tell me I'm pretty, have a good time, and act like a freaking adult instead of that child you so adore inside you." A grimace had formed sometime during her speech, and she put her hands on his back and his head, guiding him to a straight back from the hunched position he had taken before.

Minato swallowed in humiliation of someone ordering him around like their child. He almost immediately bent his back again once her hands were off him, but at a high eyes and curled fingers he sat up straight again. He then buried himself in his food, not wanting to have company at the present. But after two minutes of silence, he knew he had to talk. Keeping her as a friend would make everything so much easier.

He pursed his lips while looking at her, and she saw him, almost meeting his eyes, but didn't turn her head. He opened his mouth and said, "You seem to be doing very well. How long until you make jounin?"

She smiled, bringing her head up and patted her lap before saying, "This job will last for two years, and I just started, so maybe six months after this is done." She took a sigh, and then came a little humorless laugh, explaining, "I'm beginning to regret taking this job. To fucking mind numbing."

Minato merely nodded.

0o0o0o0o0o

"Sensei." Jiraiya whipped his head around to stare at his student.

"What you want brat?" The man was about to go get drunk and find some women, so Minato's interruption wasn't appreciated.

"I got a mission. I'll be leaving later."

Jiraiya gave him a hard look, wondering something about why Minato was telling him this. Something was, was...

"Whatever brat. See you later." And Jiraiya turned his back.

0o0o0o0o0o

Minato arrived first, not surprising anyone. He stood outside the mission's office, the receptionist ignoring him. Minato merely sat down and waited with his infinite patience. As three others slowly arrived after him, he flicked his eyes to each one only once, before moving his gaze back to the floor.

A jounin waved them over a few minutes after they had all arrived. They followed him into a back room. The smoking shinobi closed the door behind them, and then laid his files on a desk. The very silent debriefer didn't bother siting down, but did flip open the folder, and sake out some paper.

Then the regular looking male turned around and leaned slightly against the desk. "The mission that has been assigned to you is important." Minato snorted at that. "You are going to be assassinating this man." He showed them a good drawing of a old man, looking semi-bitter and staunch. "Yauni Amoguti. He is leading a WIFF protest. A more detailed account is in the file. You can read it yourself." Minato nodded. There was no 'can,' it was a 'will.' He frowned at WIFF, though. World isn't fucking fair. Those were the most annoying things to deal with, fanatics. But fun to mess with sometimes. And easy as pie.

"There is another problem. The protests were sparked by the leader of the district, Krairi Ouri. You'll need to find a way to deal with him. The daimyo's given you latitude on this, so no help will be sent." Minato wasn't so sure about that. It wasn't to hard for the people in power to pull in favors. But the daimyo's help means anyone will know once he goes public with concern and doesn't receive help that he is slated to fall. That helps.

"The last guy you have to deal with is this guy, Ketichi Kuruske. He's the second in command of the protest. They've gotten better at organizing so that the leader's death doesn't mean the whole movement will collapse. But if you kill the leader, and then make a few deals with this guy, you can paralyze the movement." The file snapped shut in the speaker's hands.

"The leader of this mission will be Uchiha Dario." Then the guy shrugged. "Good luck." And he left.

Minato looked at the coal black eyes and hair of the only member of the team that could be an Uchiha. He noticed the other two looking, too. Then the pale male addressed them.

"We will discuss the more technical details of the mission here and now, so as to better prepare for the mission. We will leave at 0700 tomorrow." The Uchiha moved behind the desk and sat in the chair. The other three gathered behind him.

0o0o0o0o0o

They all stood outside the gates of the village. Minato enjoyed leaving the village. He didn't particularly like being around so many people. He loved being in the village for short amounts of time, sure, but his life was missions.

The sky was mitigated by the leaves of the forest, and he was happy not to have the sun on their backs. Minato enjoyed traveling just like he enjoyed just about everything else; in small doses.

0o0o0o0o0o

A/N Sorry about the delay. I had a practice exam for AP class, and have my actual exam next week. Hope everyone that reads the story reviews. Have a nice day.


	4. Negotiating

You Cold Cold Bastard

Minato suddenly realized why he hated fanatics. Oh sure, it was fun to pose like delegates of the Daimyo sent to resolve the issue and listen to the whining of the protest leader. Then, once they were done listening, they would kill him and relish in the notion of having rid the world of another crazy person. But protests usually spread fast, so it was easier to compromise the leadership than make examples of some people to scare the other followers away, and risk inciting them instead.

This man though, was extremely annoying. The killing of the original leader of the rebellion had gone smoothly enough. The difference was killing was easy. Negotiating was hard.

"Taxes are unbearable. My people keep only 20% of the food that they grow. Only 20%! If they could have even 30% they would be satisfied. However we will not stand the injustice of keeping only such a small portion of our food."

Minato sighed. Some stupid report had been released that traced the amount of food that peasants kept, coming up with only 20%. Now it was a rallying cry for this rebellion, and Minato was annoyed at how they kept repeating it even after only hearing it five times.

Minato and his team leader were the only ones in the room, as the leader didn't want to suggest they were ninja. Here, they were just representatives of the Daimyo.

"Again, the peasants have labored to hard for to little. We need taxes to be reduced. The Daimyo doesn't need that much food. We do."

Uchiha Dario 'hah'ed at what the man was saying. "Don't forget that you donate up to 20% of your make to the temples of your own volition. And up to another 10% to your neighbors and the rest of your community. Don't blame taxes for that."

"And another 10% to 'guards' that you don't protect us from!" The man, Ketichi Kuruske, morphed his features. Before he seemed to truly believe what he was talking about, wanting to lead people to a truth, the truth. Now he seemed unbelievably angry, hating the world and its vices. "Do you know how many people over one year old died in and around Kotanyo two years ago because of hunger? Over 300! Over 300 fucking hundred! In a city of less than 4000. I see children on the streets, there bodies gaunt and boney, and I have no food to give all of them! I see them on the streets, just wasting away, forming gangs that steal food from others and each other. They go around and fight each other. The food needs to go to them, not to bureaucrats."

"Don't even talk about those street rats." Ketichi seemed angry at the term, but the Uchiha moved on before the other had a chance to retort. "They are little devils that are evil, not poor misunderstood souls that just need something good to eat. The fighting and the stealing is wrong for them, and they should know better. We need to-"

"Ohh," The rebel said, breathing deeply in anger. "And how would they know. What examples do they have to look at. Are they taught from birth how to, how to..."

"They have no right to steal. Thats the only point I have, and the only one I need. They should learn how to act like grown ups and not fight."

Ketichi's faced turned to cold anger again. "Like how the countries all are so cooperative. And we never try and steal each other's food. The second war was caused by some noble want of..." The man almost laughed in anger. "Well, just fill-in-the-noble-blank-here, or whatever." The man took a deep breathe again. "Our examples are flawed. They have no reason to think that hard work will help them. Why should they? If they work hard, what do they earn. The right to live underneath the nobility for the rest of their lives. To live in dirt floors. The people, even the peasants that work really hard, have little to show for it." His face now seemed superficially worn, as if trying to express the desperate plight of the people.

"How can you say that things are worse now than they were ten years ago, or twenty, or a hundred. Thats the way its always been. Things haven't changed." Uchiha said.

"Which means that what we have been doing for so long is the wrong thing. A wrong is not righted by time."

0o0o0o0o0o0o

Minato followed his leader out the door, who himself was following the rebel leader. Dario turned and he and Ketichi politely bowed to each other.

"We meet here again tomorrow at ten again, correct." Dario asked.

Ketichi gave a rather odd smile, as it looked very genuine despite the rather heated debate the two had engaged in. "Of course." He looked about to say something else, but stopped himself.

"Very well, we will resume this then." Dario looked annoyed now, but then so was Minato. Their accommodations were located rather far off, and it was almost two in the morning. They had to walk there too, as they were incognito.

"You are staying outside the city aren't you?" Ketichi asked.

Dario gave a stare at the man, undoubtedly suspicious. Minato was too, as it wasn't uncommon for rebels to kill government agents to rally their followers.

Instead of death, however, Ketichi offered, "Why don't you stay here, in the city, in my house." He smiled that genuine-looking smile, the one that half creeped Minato out, again. "I can assure you I have no ill intentions to you, unless you have some to me, and my wife will gladly feed four more mouths. We have enough mats for you to sleep on, though you'll have to split two rooms among the four of you. My home is your home, right." Minato and Dario share a skeptical look, but didn't look at their two other team mates so as not to suggest them being anything more than muscle.

On the one hand, if they don't try anything, than it wouldn't matter, and might help by making us more personal to this Ketichi. But if they do attack us, then we may give away being shinobi to the other rebels, and it wouldn't matter if a demon had been used to kill us, the other rebels would interpret it as unforgivable and negotiations would end. That would piss off the Daimyo, and we would be in hot water if we survived, something almost stupid to question.

Minato had his reservations, but Dario didn't consult him, and instead mulled it over by himself for a while.

0o0o0o0o0o

"Do you like you soup?" Asked Namina. Dario nodded in truth to the question. Minato thought that the soup was amazing as well, but kept his mouth closed, annoyed that Dario had not asked his opinion. Especially since he didn't agree. The two disguised ninja as bodyguards agreed as well, though in a more loud manner. Minato felt like wincing from the break in his shinobi teachings, even though the loudness was shinobi training to. Make yourself look idiotic and expressive, and people are less likely to look for subtlety. Having them act like they liked the Kenichis could invite an invitation of betrayal, important propaganda.

Minato slowly dipped his bread into the soup. "Isn't it lovely to have company over Kuruske." The apparent housewife gave her husband a kiss. Kuruske smiled at this wife, and when she sat down they were holding hands.

"I'm so glad that negotiations are going on now. Hopefully things will calm down soon." She smiled at everyone at the table, giving up a nice atmosphere.

Minato was lifting his fork to his mouth when Namina asked his team, "So what do you think of the earthquake in Tafi." Minato almost stopped chewing when he heard the question. Her husband gave her an amused look, one that she returned before facing the others again.

'Well, she either has great guts, is a complete idiot or utterly sheltered.' Dario had a tongue in cheek smile, but replied, saying, "A horrible tragedy, of course." Ah yes, a tragedy. A huge earthquake had hit a poor part of the land of fire to the south. The rescue teams, underfunded already, had been in use to deal with the rebellion here, as they were also a militia. Which meant that little help could be spared to the south because of the rebellion that Namina's husband was now leading.

Namina just kept smiling. "Don't you think that we should make a truce. We promise to not spread the rebellion, and the Daimyo can send help to Tafi." She raised an eyebrow in question. "Everyone wins."

Minato gauged Kuruske's reaction. Outwardly he seemed surprised, but Minato didn't think so. Kuruske probably gave the idea to her, or at least she spelled it out to him before hand. No one would spit that out on a whim, no matter how outspoken. Plus, Minato knew the Daimyo would never accept the request. He knew they knew it too. This was a ploy, even if they would like to go through with it. Minato actually wished the Daimyo would call them on this, see if it was a bluff or not.

"I think that..." Minato sighed as Namina went on talking about the world. Little else seemed interesting after that comment about Tafi.

0o0o0o0o0o0o

Minato was in his futon, with Dario on the other side of the room. He sighed contentedly again, feeling good from the meal. Or at least its food; Namina was slightly odd, and Minato got a strange sensation of squeamishness whenever he was near her. He thought something about her was just plain weird, something that was... He couldn't find the right words for it, but opinionated, and slightly naive, or acting naive, described her behavior somewhat. But he could think on that later.

More importantly, a hollow noise, one that Minato couldn't place, slowly but steadily getting louder creeped up on Minato's ears. He pondered on the noise for a second, before turning to look at Dario. The other man shifted his eyes to lock with Minato before trailing off again to look at space. He looked like he was thinking what it could be, same as Minato, when it suddenly stopped. Their eyes met again in some alarm, curiosity, and questioning.

Except, if Minato strained his ears, he could still hear something. Apparently Dario could hear it too. They both knew it could be an attack party that had been just a little too loud when they started. Dario flicked his tongue over his lips before giving a slight jerk to his head to attract Minato's attention. Dario then jerked his head to the door while pointing his finger there as well. Then he pointed down, to where the noise seemed to be coming from. Minato silently groaned, huffed, and sighed, all at once, knowing that it was now his job to go and find out what it was.

Minato took stealth over speed, and creeped his way downstairs. The house wasn't that big; two stories, both guest rooms being off the ground, and the master bedroom on the first story. The other guest room was slightly farther away from the noise. Minato was pretty sure they had heard the original sound, but doubted about the second, continued, one.

As Minato slowly followed the noise, he approached the kitchen. But he was fast losing his curiosity, fear, apprehension, wariness, etc, etc, and instead felt them replaced by amused astonishment, though he didn't take his guard down if it was still a trap.

The noise that Minato could now make out was something like, "Huh, huh, ohhh, ahh, eh, ugh," and other noises that are used in quiet sex. And sure enough, when Minato took a look at them through the ajar door, he saw Namina up on the kitchen table, with her husband standing up, thrusting. Minato bit this tongue to stop from laughing, but slowly nodded his head, entertained. He saw a pot that was oddly placed, and realized that one of them had been hitting against it to create the initial sound.

Minato thought about masturbating to this, but didn't want to scare his leader by waiting too long, accidentally make a noise, vocal or by a twitch hitting something, get caught, and many other reasons. But damn, this got him thinking about sex, and he didn't like that when he had no one to have sex with.

So Minato trudged back up the stairs to his leader, and informed him of the situation. Dario looked just as amused as Minato, as did his two other teammates Dario made him inform, who had apparently decided to stay in the room because they thought Dario would tell them to move if needed. Something Minato thought stupid, but he still got a good snicker laugh at the married couple's expense.

So Minato went to bed. And maybe an hour or two later, when he heard something again, he found the same thing, though in the master bedroom, rather than the kitchen. And again he went back upstairs rather than do anything else. He was laughing in his head the entire time.

0o0o0o0o0o

A/N I'm sorry it took this long to get this chapter out. I had final exams during the break, but thats no excuse because of the extreme amount of time. Anyway, I'm hoping to get the next chapter out within the next five days. I can do it, as I wrote this story in three days, just spaced over a long period of time. I also never spent more than an hour writing a day, so if I can just buckle down I can get it down fast. Anyways, review please.

P.S. No Minato has not made the hiraishin yet.


End file.
